of boobs and bras (written 11/16/12)

with an assist to my friend Sus who sparked this memory (mammory??)

My Mom’s boob went missing a while back. Luckily she has old-timers so she forgot for the summer. Sadly, the staff did not and now Mom’s up to her neck in boob drama. My Mother is a Breast Cancer Survivor. Nothing could kill her, she’ll out live us all. I’m finding out I actually admire her. She may take the loopy road to get there but she is a fighter that’s for sure.  Because of her cancer, Mom is a boobclops.  Kind of. She’s has a mastectomy and a lumpectomy. Because of said chopping, she has a prosthesis (yes, I had to spell check it). All it was/is is a disc made of a jelly like substance that goes into a pocket on one cup of her bras. After she came to the nursing home her’s went missing. She mourned her lost boob and they search high and low for it but it never showed up. She treated it like Boobgate, a conspiracy of the worst kind. SHe ranted and raved and saw us all working together to keep her from having her boob. The nursing home offered to replace it and everyone kind of forgot. Every once in a while Mom would have a snit over her loss. But it passed and we rolled merrily along. Until the other day when the Social Worker came up to us at lunch and announced that she has a boob for Mom. Mom gave it her usual “why doesn’t anyone ever ask me what I want? maybe I don’t want it . They’re more trouble than they’re worth” and then was glad. I do think I agree with that last one.  So after lunch we go back to her room and do the popping in of the boob like substance. I really couldn’t see a difference but I’m really not one to notice boobs. coughmencough. She seemed okay with it so all was good.

Then I get up there Wednesday and Mom is all upset. Seems there are boob storage issues. No one knew where the other one put the boob. Luckily the social worker bought back up boob. I finally found it in her bed and was declared a hero. It has now been decided that after Mom gets undressed her aide will give the boob to the nurse who will then lock it up in the cart overnight. All this for something I could make with a balloon and some pudding. But the best part of this is this: Mom now refers to it as a boob and tells people that she has a new boob. My brother said he had tears from laughing the first time she said it. I’ve never felt so powerful or so amused with my Mom.  I am Super Tia, I can find lost boobs and warp elderly minds with ease!