Recipes for disaster (or 'pinterest is the antichrist)

I come about it through family lines. What Pinterest is to me, recipes in magazines and newspapers were to my Mom. I love crafty ideas. I see one, I want to make it so I like it or link it or add it to my saved sites. Then I never go back. I mean to, I want to but I'm me and that means I will put it out of thought out of mind. Should I make wreaths from old candy wrappers? Will I ever send out homemade cards stamped with corks I've carved into hearts and Christmas trees? Do I need to make a homemade lantern from an old coffee can? Probably not but it's so cute and looks so easy so I just might... never.
Will I use a bookcase made from old shipping crates? Chances are zero but again it's so cute and looks awesome so add it to my list.
How about a garden with old china tea cups filled with ferns and violets or panseys? Love it but not gonna happen.
Or set of coasters for everyone I know using old photos and mason jar lids? But but but ...they can double as Christmas tree ornaments with the snip of a hole puncher and some curling ribbon so ... No, but let's save it just in case.
I've even found a way to share my sickness and deflect blame from me. I now send links to my son's girlfriends and to my dear long suffering friends. Then it's them not me, right? Yesterday a blanket ladder, a week ago melted snowmen cookies, before that painted flowers on glass made from old window frames. I need help, someone save me from myself. Please.

BUT.

It isn't my fault. I inherited my illness. Blame my Mother. It's on her. When I got custody of her and all her stuff, I got custody of two bins full of cut out recipes and hints that appear to be helpful but really aren't. They came from packages, magazines, other people, and some I swear she invented after hearing it on the radio or tv. And I got them, all of them, every blessed one.  Meatloaf made with canned corned beef hash. Casseroles with things we should never eat together all blended into a big pile of geh. Appitizers, or "horse de or vaays" to quote my mom, that no one ever made. Nor should they. If they printed it, Shirley cut it out. I've been going through them one by one. A couple were keepers. Pickled beets made from canned beets, deeelicious. I will share it with anyone who asks. Sweet and sour pork minus the minute rice? Yum. But some of them are skeery. Some of them are just plain wrong. Would you like to know how to make Ringtum Ditty? What about Burgundy glazed hot dogs? Feeling brave? She has recipes for blood sausage, for homemade cat food, and even for making what I will just assume is a delightful prune shortcake.
Not so brave now are you?

And it wasn't just recipes, She has how-tos for stain removal, for table settings, for making your own soap out of slivers of old soap.  That one involves cookie cutters and a lobotomy. I know hints for laundry, hints for sink cleaning with leftover squeezed lemons you used to make your family a pitcher of homemade lemonade, how to use a grill and then clean it, how to use shower curtain rings to hang umbrellas and belts in your closets. The ideas abound and are filed in a notebook each in their special place. Your's for the low low price of ....
Thanks to Mom I know how to can headcheese, set up a buffet, take rings off my wooden tables with mayo, keep cats off the sofa (and kids too), fix a run in my pantyhose with nail polish, use that same polish to stop the fraying of a hoodie string, make potato pancakes and fold a fitted sheet. Now that last one is worth all the reading and sorting don't you think?

If you are close enough to be on my facebook or know me by voice, thank my Mom for the links and ideas. If you aren't then send me a self addressed/stamped envelope and $0.15 and I will send you my handy dandy book of helpful hints. You see, I really cannot help myself, I'm addicted. But there is hope, somewhere in one of my files is a 12 Step program for idea and hints hoarders, I just have to find it and I guess if I can't I can probably find it on Pinterest!